


In Secret

by GoringWriting



Series: The Veil [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s04e01-02 The Darkest Hour, Hurt Lancelot (Merlin), Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), POV Lancelot (Merlin), Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:13:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoringWriting/pseuds/GoringWriting
Summary: Lancelot's perspective on Merlin and his trip to the veil.
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Lancelot/Merlin (Merlin)
Series: The Veil [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020411
Comments: 9
Kudos: 78





	In Secret

Lancelot knows neither Merlin nor Arthur will die to close the veil. Merlin has a destiny, a life that is both his and Arthurs. If Merlin is dead, who will be there to complete his destiny. Lancelot knows how important freeing magic is to Merlin. Had held his friend, barely out of boyhood, as he cried when pyres were lit or he saw sorcerers sneaking out of Camelot or when he saw a Druid camp attacked. Had read the tear marks on every letter his friend sent to him while he was traveling. 

But more than any destiny. More than any King or Prince, this is Merlin. Merlin, who makes sure to treat Lancelot’s wounds in secret because he is still training himself out of the mindset of if you are a liability to the group you will be discarded. Who taught Lancelot to read in secret so that the other Knights would not know. Who snuck clothes from the other nobles for Lancelot to wear. Who’s eyes, of deep blue, sparkle with mischief and who isn’t afraid of anything except Arthur dying. Who looked at a down on his luck commoner with dreams of being a knight and did his level best to make it happen. Whose name won’t be written in history but who’s name is written in the hearts of the people he meets. Whose name will be written across Lancelot’s soul in many ways. As a friend. As a confidante. As a brother. As the love of Lancelot’s life. 

The fact isn’t a surprise to him. He’s known since that night after his knighting. With the fire crackling and reflecting in Merlin’s eyes as he planned a mission no one could survive. To see that in Merlin’s eyes, to see that he was willing to sacrifice himself in secret so that Arthur and Camelot might thrive had been what captured Lancelot’s heart. 

So he goes with him. Fights to keep Merlin alive long enough to accomplish his meeting because if Merlin is to die it is going to be with a friend by his side and someone to tell his story. So that his sacrifice is not in secret. 

Somehow they survive. Lancelot’s not sure how they managed to do that. He’s more focused on keeping his blood inside his body from where one of the men got in a lucky stab. Merlin is checking on Gaius and then on him and then Arthur is storming in and Merlin is too busy fussing to explain and Lancelot has never been a liar. 

He tells Arthur that Merlin had the idea to try emptying the blood from the cup and that somehow it worked. 

He’s believed and Merlin is given a pat on the back and a ruffle of the hair and Lancelot’s heart roars at the treatment. Merlin does so much for Arthur it hurts Lancelot to see it. It hurts him to know that in a week's time there will be a feast commending him likely and that Merlin will be forced to serve at it. 

More and more things like that happen. He sees Arthur mistreat Merlin and his heart breaks even more for his friend. But he starts to see the moments Merlin does as well. The ones where Arthur’s love of his people is on full display and he’s willing to do anything to protect them and Lancelot thinks that maybe, just maybe destiny picked the right man. Percival, Lancelot’s second friend, doesn’t know what to make of Merlin. Lancelot knows this. One minute his friend is acting like a little brother and the next he is berating them for something. Percival who grew up in Cenred’s Kingdom, where if you much as breathed near a knight you would be beaten, watches a boy from that same kingdom berate knights and the King. Lancelot had watched him the first time it happened. Percival looked near to fainting. 

Lancelot knows Percival will protect Merlin if he himself is unable to. 

Elyan reminds him of Gwen. They are both gentle and willing to get into trouble or danger for their friends. But he has also been hurt by magic. Grown up in Camelot where the evil nature of magic is sung from the rooftops and the citadel and all that. He doesn’t believe neither brother nor sister could hurt Merlin but their fear would be enough to hurt Merlin. 

They can’t know. 

Leon is as easy to sort as Percival. As Arthur’s longest standing round table knight and as having served under Uther, Leon has probably hunted sorcerers and magical creatures. He would not be a good pick to be told. Arthur for the same reason. 

Gwaine is as easy to read as Percival is. Gwaine’s decision making centers on one place. 

Merlin. 

Gwaine is there for Merlin. That is the simple fact of the matter. If Merlin were to run off in the middle of the knight Gwaine would be right behind him whether he was welcome or not. The man didn’t grow up in Camelot, so he’s probably seen good magic. He’s seen Merlin and knows the man could never do evil. 

Gwaine’s moral compass points due North towards Merlin. 

Gwaine would fall on his own sword if Merlin asked him to. 

No. 

Gwaine would live for Merlin. Would live the life of a knight. Live every day with the itch of travel under his skin and his restless feet carrying him to the gates and then back to the castle because he promised Merlin asked him to stay. 

Merlin would die for the people he loves. 

The people who love Merlin would live for him. 

That’s not quite true. Lancelot won’t live for Merlin. Not this time. Gwen had asked him to keep Arthur safe but...he can’t let Merlin die. To do so would go against everything in his soul. But allowing Arthur to die goes against himself as a knight. 

He can’t let Merlin die and Merlin won’t let Arthur die. 

Lancelot knows what needs to happen but he wishes he didn’t. He promised Merlin he wouldn’t leave. 

Lancelot knows Merlin is smart. Knows the man knows people better than he lets on. 

Lancelot doesn’t try to talk him out of it. He simply commends his friend on his bravery. 

Bravery that none but he will ever know. 

He won’t be around to tell people this time. 

Lancelot accepts Merlin’s decision. Because he knows his friend doesn’t consider himself worthy of sacrifice for. He never questions Lancelot’s acceptance of his planned death. 

Lancelot knows better. He knows Merlin deserves every star in the sky and then some. 

He wishes he could give Merlin some meaningful words. Or words to someone to give to Merlin but that would give him away. You don’t make meaningful speeches unless you believe you are about to die. 

He knows Merlin doesn suspect him as they make their way to the veil. Leon, Elyan and Percival are behind them, fighting to keep them alive. It has to happen soon before one of them is hurt too badly to live. 

Lancelot promised he would leave Merlin again. 

But Lancelot lied. 

He watches as Gwaine is knocked out and Arthur is as well. Merlin doesn’t even stop to consider knocking him out. Merlin trusts him to stick to the plan. 

Percival and Gwaine will look out for Merlin. Merlin and Leon will look out for Arthur. Arthur, Merlin, and Elyan will look out for Gwen. That is knowledge Lancelot can live with. 

Merlin has his back to Lancelot arguing with the guardian of the veil. No attention given to Lancelot. Merlin doesn’t suspect a thing. Merlin believes himself unworthy of sacrifice but Lancelot knows better. Merlin is worth more than Lancelot could ever give. 

Merlin trusts him. Believes Lancelot will stay and watch over Arthur and Gwaine while he argues. Lancelot doesn’t know if Merlin can beat her in a fight but he doesn’t want Merlin to get into a fight here. 

Silent as a grave Lancelot makes his way to the veil. Each silent step one more chip against Merlin’s trust. 

He’s not sure what the woman says but Merlin’s eyes are finally on him and Lancelot can see a million different emotions in those blue eyes. Pain, anger, shock...betrayal.

Walking through the veil is one of the easiest things he’s ever done. To die for someone in secret is one of the truest forms of love and Merlin will never believe it was for him. Lancelot knows that. But it doesn’t matter because while he died for Merlin there are others who would live for him. 

Lancelot’s last act in his life was to betray the man he loves. 

To save the man he loves.


End file.
